Nothing is worth sacrificing your alignment
I found myself sliding into a dark place and I used to think “it’s alright, it happens. I cannot be happy, springy or peaceful all the time, right?
But, one day it hit so bad I realized it wasn’t just one of those sad days. I realized that happiness had been very less these past few weeks and I had been living on the surface. I was numb, passing through life like a zombie with no hunger for brains or anything else.
Note: this article is to walk you through the process I went through and what helped me. You should tune into your guidance system and decide what’s best for you. It can be opening up to someone you trust, or therapy etc.
Life was crumbling away for me, but not physically or externally but internally
So when I say I understand I really, actually, in full physicality understand when days pass without feeling any emotion, feeling numb and you don’t know the real reason, not having the will to wake up from the bed, the room being a mess and you don’t care and without feeling connected to the things that ignite your passion.
But remember whatever you are going through — that condition is not you and it doesn’t define you. It’s something you are going through, it is not something you are, just like a bumpy car ride. You are neither the car nor the bad bumpy road you are a traveler going through and it doesn’t give others the right to judge you
Although they might say things like “only if you did that and not that” things would be different
And maybe that would be helpful for you or maybe it won’t. But ultimately you have to accept that it is completely alright for you and the path you went through or are currently going through. It is up to you to tune into your own guidance system and decide and acknowledge the power you have to choose differently.
I know you might want to scream at this point
“But what is my problem?”
The core of the problem is you being out of sync with who you really are
You can give any label to this, be it clinical or societal it doesn’t really matter but the truth is your zest for everything you are is lost.
This temporary stay in the dark place might have been triggered by an unfortunate or shocking event or it could be because of fighting long-standing trauma, like in my case. Sometimes there might be no reason and that’s alright.
What I realized
I tried so hard to shift my focus, to be in the state of joy again. I did things which made me happy, went for a walk and what not but the results were useless or short-lived
- What was the problem?
The old me who had suffered and endured and the new me trying to create a better life had been entangled with each other. I had become a fragmented being of old and new emotions. The old self trying to create a new life had tried to create it in old, known and limited ways and that’s why I felt stuck in all dimensions of my life.
I can’t shift my focus until I untangle the vibration I’m in
My inner being chimed this while I was in the bathroom (majority of great insights are born in the bathroom)
My old self had been the protector, the warrior always waiting for the next battle and the one who has to “resist”. It is extremely hard to create a dream life from this level. This sacrificing warrior had a problem which most of us have (I guess)
When you care too much about other people, you start believing that the greatest act of love and care would be to sacrifice your alignment for them. But this is false.
This battle of old and new had resulted in the downward spiral in the dark place. I had started focusing on things to “fix” rather than focusing on myself
What is alignment?
When your pet comes up to you and sits on your lap and you decide to spend your evening peacefully loving and stroking this amazing being, that my dear friend is alignment in its most simplest form!
You feel no pressure to change yourself for your pet, no external pressure to be something different than your true self. You breathe easy, your heartbeat is like music and joy is a natural state
Use this reference in all areas of your life. The feeling, the state of being is the same only the situation around changes form.
Now I know the next question
What should I do now?
You have to identify what brings you to this dark place? You may have to dig up old, repressed emotions but they hold the key to your freedom, oh great one!
Identify to let go of this attachment/habit
Do not get lost in the forest of shadows! Digging up old emotions quickly becomes an addiction because you start to feel sorry for yourself and that’s perfectly fine, extending it to unhealthy amounts of time results in blocking your own healing and new pathways
That’s why your focus should be to clear out the gunk of old emotions to rebuild the connection with your true self!
Long standing trauma + resistance. I resisted. Because this resistance had protected me from dire situations. I avoided people and situations who were different than me and what I’m used to because I didn’t know what could “hurt me”
Truth : Nothing can hurt you
But they can temporarily send you out of whack. Take a deep breath, it’s alright
All of these epiphanies and surfacing and letting go of the old made me realize one thing — STOP taking life so seriously
In this day and age, in fact in any day and age even my days as an immortal in the 1800s was not the time to take life seriously. However, this does not mean that you are out partying all night, waking up with a hangover in a stranger’s bed every day (Hey, if that makes you happy, you do you). Excess of anything is bad.
If you are gripping and limiting yourself afraid of taking risks, afraid of making a mistake and oh your world comes crumbling down! The sky is not falling, and life won’t punish you if you took a left turn instead of right. All the intensity of the bad things that can happen in your life are more in your mind than in real life.
And if you are afraid of disappointing people in your life and not being the way they want you to be, then I can see why your zest is lost. You are not here to “prove” yourself.
I already said it and I will say it again “Nothing is worth sacrificing your alignment” Even though it may seem like a good idea at first, but it is just a habitual response due to years of Useless Training in the Societal Arts of Not Being your True Self
Moreover, sacrificing your aligned state keeps you from solutions and new pathways because you aren’t in your element, your good place. If you are in a bad place internally you will be in a bad place externally
Tip: If you haven’t figured out your true self, then be your favorite self. When you do love and admire yourself the most? When are you the most playful and lighthearted?
So, until next time,
Untangle yourself, you cosmic beam in a meat suit