Today, we are going into a bit of a sensitive topic — Not being good enough Or feeling as if you are not enough
I realized this in bed a couple of nights ago, thinking of all the ideas that I have that I want to work on and want to come to fruition and riding these waves of high energy I suddenly caught on to a low wave, just a single thought in my head was — But I am not good enough
I am good enough for these ideas
I am not good enough to step into the areas I want to step into
and such similar sounding statements
Fortunately with a low tide, a high tide is bound to come sooner or later so not long after it hit me
💡 This feeling of not being good enough only comes from Other People!
If you think about it, just ponder over this for a few minutes — Who are you not good enough for? Who exactly? Answer : Other people
They are a part of the equation where your self-esteem, your confidence, your good enough-ness is directly proportional to how much attention you give to these “other people”
But who are these mysterious and generalized “other people”? [Play the Goosebumps theme in the background]
The mind although powerful, unfortunately has qualities of sadism and dictatorship. It loves to see you suffer, doesn’t it? The mind has trapped us into thinking we are not good enough for whatever bizarre reason it can find especially looking at other people. It is because of our inherent need, adapted due to the conditioning of our society, the upbringing and our own observation to compare ourselves with other people
You could be an artist, a singer, an entrepreneur or any person with any career or at any area of your life and you would look at someone else and think “Oh that person is better than me” you would have tens and thousands of examples to conclude and prove your mind that “I am not good enough”
Isn’t that absolutely crappy?
There might be people around you, who praise you and not just because they are your friends or someone close but because they sincerely like your work and they praise you for that and yet you would still be comparing yourself to others
If you are an artist you would look at someone and say “Oh they make such detailed art, they practice a lot. Look at me” [Looks down upon oneself like an outcast]
So what? You may not be able to have the time or resources to practice your art as much as they do but you are still doing your best. Shouldn’t you acknowledge your efforts mi amor? And you will get there if that’s the place you want to get at. “I want to be like XYZ” or you can make your own new place which you want to get to, your own new level and experience. You are en route, I assure you.
But if you continuously doubt yourself saying “I am not good enough” like a hypnotic propaganda, you will never get there. It’s like taking two steps forward and three steps back. It’s madness
Harsh Truth
Not being good enough according to who, for whom and compared to whom?
The harsh truth is, in whatever area you are trying to be good enough for there will always be someone better than you
If I am a writer, there will be someone who writes better than me
If I am an actor, there will be someone who acts better than me
If I’m a doctor, there will be a doctor who is better than me
Even if I’m in a relationship, a girlfriend to someone, there will be some other girl in some other relationship who will prove to be better than me
And I know these statements have made you feel worse than you expected when you first came here but it all comes down to this,
Is comparing yourself really worth it?
Is sacrificing your own happiness to feel unworthy and small comparing yourself to others in every moment worth it?
Even if you become the greatest, for example the greatest painter in the world
There will be people who refuse to acknowledge you
“But Picasso was a pioneer, Rembrandt is better, Van Gogh is the one that really understood the depth, Renoir was the best at showing happy memories”
They will have all these statements about you, yet again.
So, the problem?
People
Your attention is on the people instead of yourself
In the end nothing will be worth it, except whether you enjoyed the moment you were worrying about?
Did you enjoy the piece you wrote?
Did you enjoy the part you acted?
Did you enjoy the song you sang?
Did you enjoy the trial, justifying for your client and enforcing the right law?
Did you enjoy being with your friend, supporting and having fun instead of trying so hard to be a good friend and comparing yourself to their other friends?
In anything you want to pursue, if this thought comes, it is not a call to better yourself but rather it’s a thought of self-sabotage trying to keep you from joy and the fulfillment of your dreams
So what can you do?
The most important thing which you can do for yourself right now is — Take others out of the equation
Yes, I know. Your business, your career, aspirations is dependent on other people and it has to, that’s the basis of our economy and that’s what keeps the world going and I think that’s great
But, right now for your sake, to help you reach a level that is good for you. You have to put other people out of the equation right now. Do it! Pick them up and throw them out. Stop thinking about them, stop thinking they “might” be thinking about you, stop thinking how good they are. Just stop
This is your world. You have to first think about yourself and you have to live for yourself first. You have to find the joy in the work you do for yourself. Because for your work, you are the lens to showcase it into the world and if you don’t find the place where you fully support and appreciate yourself, it would be even harder for others to do so.
And that’s how slowly, bit by bit you will get out of the way and get out of the bogus belief of not being good enough, not being enough
Stop giving other people the right to have unnecessary opinions about your life, your work, about anything you love or are passionate about. Just stop
Even though some of these people don’t even want to have an opinion about you. This is harsh but honestly they don’t give a rat’s bottom about you and yet you just give them the key
“Here’s the key, please have an opinion about my life and work, even though you didn’t ask. Here it is! and I will use my imagination in the most negative way possible and think that you look at me a certain way and I will keep myself small, keep myself down, beat myself up”
Please imagine the above paragraph in a mocking tone done by me, so you really understand it to your core. What are you? In the Fight Club against yourself?
No! Stop it!
Until next time,
Imagine me saying to you every moment “You are doing great!”
Sangmitra
P.S. Yes mom I will follow my own advice of course! :)
